Congress humbly acknowledges responsibility for the lowest approval rating in American history

Congress formally apologizes from the bottom of their hearts, for not only the lowest approval rating in US history 10% in Nov. 2016, and for the longest sustained duration of years with an approval rating below 33% from the 113th to the current 115th congress.

Sorry, also for a record number of blocked nominees coupled with more often than not mind-numbingly stupid indecision derailing needed legislation. As well as willful inaction in completing budgets, including a complete shutdown that cost taxpayers billions.

There are too many examples of recent government fails to list here, so to stay positive, a secret joint committee has compiled a list of reparations and an action list.


Begin hearings to fill vacant supreme court justice seat, ...yesterday. 

No nonsense gun legislation, stat!

Create jobs by rebuilding America’s crumbling infrastructure by up-cycling it with modern trains and transportation systems.

Create passive energy and renewable energy jobs to meet the global challenges caused by climate change.

Invest in education, not war or corporate oil tax loopholes.

Revenue generation via expanding Park Ranger jobs, working in cooperation with state and local parks to build a network of bike and hiking path across the nation, connecting National Parks.

Election reform, and modernization of US voting system via a new USPS digital branch that would also to replace antiquated paper junk mail.

Also with contemporary corporate accounting software and computer systems out-pacing antiquated government payroll and accounting, especially as relates to the military and veteran affairs. With unemployment of veterans still too high. The best private accounting firms will compete to win the job of training a small army of unemployed to update the entire military payroll and VA records systems.

Same goes for our fragmented and inefficient medical records. Where administration costs have tripled.

Lastly as a token of goodwill as well as scape goat, we here by begin the proceedings to impeach a few of our most obstinate politicians starting with Mitch McConnell for his role in obstruction of government and Ted Cruz for his role in the government shutdown.

If we all work hard to fulfill our obligations to serve the American people, this could be the most exciting time to be in politics since the US constitution was ratified.

Transcript from an over ambitious and still hopeful congressional intern, who wishes to remain anonymous.

"USA! USA!“ whispered the intern, with a couple fist bumps before hurrying away from our recorder.

Two continent wide lawn mowing ban

The Americas: North America, Canada and South America unanimously agreed yesterday to cease the practice of mowing private and public lawns for non-sporting use. Only, soccer/football fields, golf courses, baseball diamonds and other athletic grass fields will be maintained by mowing, effective immediately.

Native Georgia grass, planted in Atlanta, USA along the 'belt-line' walk/bike path.

It was a trifecta of reasons: water, pollution and habitat, but all from the same source, climate change. “Stopping lawn mowing is one way we could take a bite out of climate change, without adding any expensive infrastructure.” A spokesperson from the American committee to protect vital pollinators, cheerfully reported.

Removing lawns from the equation saves water, especially those lawns grown in climate areas that require a sprinkler system to grow and stay green. 

2. Pollution. If we all stop lawn mowing (and machine-powered weed-whacking, leaf blowing and edging etc...), it cuts an unnecessary use of non-renewable energy i.e. gas and electricity (plus batteries), fertilizers and weed killers that leach into our soil and water systems and lastly, stopping use of lawn maintenance machines cuts one of the main sources of neighborhood noise pollution. 

3. Habitat. Grass as a mono-culture is not a good base for disappearing natural habitat for bees, native plants, birds and all creatures above and below the topsoil. Lawns as they are being used now, as some sort of machine maintained outside carpet, simply do not belong in nature.” Imagine instead of lawns, small yard shaped fields of wildflowers, clover or native climate region appropriate ground cover plants. 

Flowers next to a sidewalk in San Francisco, CA

This is a vital first step, and we are hopeful that other countries will follow the Americas example, replacing mowed lawns with native plants, ground cover, and gardens.  

P.S. Leaf blowers were last month. If you still own a leaf blower turn it in, to a machine up-cycling location near you.