Un-Cat Episodes 16 to 22

Unapologetic Catharsis

Chapter Three — Not What Happened

Un-Cat episode 16 — U.G.’s First-Ever Nationally Syndicated TV Show Appearance

U.G. waited just off stage, fighting flight, the instinctual frightened cat versus the personal appearance you-can-do-this; it took half of her will power just to hold down the hackles pushing on her fur to stand up on end to make her look bigger than she was, the other half of her being told her to put one foot in front of the other, and walk towards the blue armchair on that stage. The crowd was roaring, standing, clapping, occasional whistles made her ears flinch, but the mixed chant of “U.G.! U.G.!!” and “HUMAN!! HUMAN!!!” pushed her forward. Her nerves were on fire, she felt like she was seeing actual sparks and had to remind herself that they are only human.

“Please welcome the congresswoman from Idaho, Utah Green!”

The host with the confidence of a decade in comedy ran over to greet her. His practiced embrace, a kiss near the cheek but his lips not touching the skin of his guest, failed him. The telepathic AI-Critter in her bra heard him thinking “Whiskers!? I think my lips have cat hair on them!” Then his eyes met hers. “Green cat-eyes!!!” He automatically took her hand, like leading her to the dance floor, only up the step towards the chair, feeling the pads and fur of her paws he thought. “She writes and types with those hands?!… Wow! People debate whether or not she’s a cat. She’s a cat!”

U.G. waved at the band and the crowd and then settled in the chair with a tablet and stylus in her lap.

“So, it must be a bit awkward, to have the first name Utah, and be the representative for your home state of Idaho.” He was saying, more of an observation than a question.

She nodded. “Yes. Everyone who gets to know me calls me U.G.”

“It is quite clear most of the audience knows you U.G. I think most of them are wearing you. There are a lot of your T-shirts..everywhere really. I see them, you printed on T-shirts, not just tonight but for a while now. It’s so nice to actually meet you in person. U.G.” He was shuffling his light blue cue cards nervously tapping them and flipping to the next question as if none of the lines on those cards were working for him.

“I have always wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your show. Thank you so much for making us laugh when we needed to laugh.” U.G. said. “Even the old show, when you were decisively mean. The character you were playing, he was not a nice guy, but he was perfectly terrible. Perfectly done. You are, I never imagined I would ever be here in this chair, but I’m glad it’s this show, now, to get to thank the real you.” She stopped blathering, and took a breath looking at the crowd, their faces, people wiggling in their chairs, looking back at the stage, calmed her.

“Wow, thank you U.G. Thank you very much. But, enough about me, let’s talk about you!” He was trying not to scream, in his head, he was reeling. “She’s a cat! She’s really a cat! She’s a human-sized fluffy talking Cat!!!” He pointed at the large round button on the lapel of her jacket. It was an American flag with a little green house on it, the house stylized like a piece from a popular board game.

“U.G. 2020. HUMAN” He read the bold text on the pin, out-loud, to keep his composure.

U.G. smiled and began her routine. “Yes. H.U.M.A.N. is an acronym.

H. stands for Home as a right.

U. stands for universal job training for needed vocations. And as we all know, there is plenty of work that needs doing.

M. stands for medical care for all, as a right.

A. Stands for ArtCoin365. Stimulus for the arts, what people do better than AI and robots, the arts.

N. stands for Needs met, no questions asked. No haggling for entitlements. If you are hungry we give you food. If you need a place to call home,” U.G. waved her paw and pen tool in the air before she said.”… back up to H. housing as a right.

Housing really is where we need to start. We should not have any homeless people in a nation as wealthy as the United States of America.”

“I agree. Really I do. My heart goes out to all the homeless people, especially the families who have lost their homes. I hear you have built some impressive homeless shelters in Idaho to help keep people off the streets in Boise. But, America is a big country, with problems on a much grander scale than Idaho. How do you plan to fund housing for the rest of the country? Those shelter structures, and the staff required to run them, that can’t be cheap.” He checked off one of his note cards.

“True. The shelters are privately funded, mostly by business folks, but also by the vote of many, many people from all over, who agreed for me to spend their campaign donations on our non-profit housing foundation, the profit from the sales of T-shirts, mugs and tote bags, they check a box, and say yes, donate to the shelters, or no, please use my money to fund the campaign.” U.G. glanced out at the crowd when she mentioned the T-shirts, a few people had hooted and high-fived each other.

While the crowd cheered the bandleader made celebratory piano noise, dancing a scale up and down the keys and sang. “Yeah, housing as a right, what a sweet ideal.” into his microphone. “Home as a right, for everybody, that’s the American dream right there.”

“Thank you, Jon.” The host said. They all chuckled just a little, as the audience settled a bit.

U.G. continued. “The homeless shelters are a good place to start. But, the real challenge and goal is the entire revenue foundation for every school district. When you have a program in every county to help people just starting out as teachers and young police officers, with no-fee, low-interest loans as a benefit of their job. Help young people to own a home and earn equity in the county where they work and serve, instead of rent, then they pay property taxes.”

“Yeah, that would help with the low salaries of teachers and rookie police officers.” The host clapped.

“Yes, the program is helpful, some districts have a tough time with finding housing newly hired police officers can afford. The price of housing in Idaho and in many other states in the US has climbed steeply and funding for pay raises has not.”

The host nodded. He was doing that thing, that people did when they had the opportunity to watch a cat talk, they got sort-of hypnotized, ironically like a domestic cat watching a feather on a string. The host’s head with his lovely but asymmetrical ears tilting slightly as his eyes moved back and forth between U.G.’s eyes, her furry chin, and the sharp fangs of her canine teeth.

“We are currently working on the legal paperwork for green loans to help homeowners finance passive and renewable energy designs into their houses and businesses.”

“Like ah, ah, solar panels?… I have been hearing some noise about catalytic converters.” He grinned, as the crowd started cheering again.

“Yes, several types of solar panels, battery bank walls for electronics, greenhouse porches, radiant in-floor heating, in some cases, if the house is in really bad shape, complete up-cycling of the house from the foundation up.”

“That is impressive.” He gestured towards her as he asked. “You okay to stay here and talk with us for a few more minutes?”

She nodded yes.

“When we get back I think U.G. will tell us more about how her campaign has a platform on the web for everyone to submit their ideas about how to help save the world from climate change.”

When they returned after the commercial break, the host and U.G. were dancing to the fun music the band was playing. One of the things U.G. loved most about humans was dancing with them. She did a little dance like an “Egyptian”, then spun hopping along the edge of the step and back up to the chair by the desk.

The host was clapping at the band and the crowd. “Here we are back to politics! That was wild. U.G. I didn’t know you could dance.”

“Oh yes. If I get elected President, more dancing, everywhere around the country, all the time.” She joked and the audience cheered. “Thanks, everyone.” She straightened up in the chair and looked out at the camera. “I don’t want to bring down the mood. But, in all seriousness. I feel the best thing I can do with my campaign for president of the United States is to listen to everyone. Listen and provide a platform to sort the data and do the math. The only way we are going to make even a dent in the work that needs to be done, to have a fighting chance to postpone the apocalypse is if everyone works together. And by postpone, how about a thousand years or so, give or take a year. Let’s do this! Let’s value life on the planet over profit. Let’s work together to shift from Gross Domestic Product to Gross National Happiness, with social capital valued more than people who sit on their butts and do nothing for the country except for raking in capital gains for themselves. Let’s flip the paradigm from cents with a dollar sign to common sense. Sort the data and do the math! America leading by example, actions speaking louder than words. Everyone working together, listening to problems that need solving and sharing ideas about the best actions for sustaining life on Earth!” U.G. raised both arms, a little fearful that she had extended her claws in enthusiasm, but the crowd didn’t seem to notice. She stood up at some point as she was getting carried away, and they stood up too, clapping and cheering.

Un-Cat Episode 17. 

Looking back at American Voters Divided and Conquered by Corporate Greed and Media Brainwashing.

After the February 3rd, 2020 Iowa caucuses, two stereotypically average news anchors with perfect hair sit side by side at the bright mostly blue, and white TV set desk reading from flat screens as prompters. For the 11% of American voters who don’t have internet, the lame-stream-media on the good old TV news is the only information about politics they will have access to, especially if they are in one of the towns where the local newspaper has gone digital or gone away completely. Since 2018 the national employment by newspapers has dropped 25% The largest news industry drop, in US newspaper history.

Worse, the presidential debates are going to be behind network TV paywalls, and only 44% of households with a TV can afford expensive cable TV subscriptions.

“Barb,” Ken says, “The Democrats are using remote caucusing via secure teleconference this year and the Republicans are not. What do you think about that?”

“Wow, Ken,” Barb says with fake enthusiasm. “We are using remote feeds to follow along with many of the local gatherings.” She waves at the row of video feeds on the screen behind them like a blonde game show hostess waving at a letter board.

“We have some very interesting numbers here,” Ken says.

“Yes-we-do.” Barb agrees.

“Yes, historic. We have a five-way tie. 17 to 19% for five Democratic hopefuls!” Ken shakes his head chuckling a little, “Is that unprecedented or what?!”

“I don’t know Ken. But, the results are really close.” She nods ‘yes’.

“Yes. I can’t wait to see what happens in New Hampshire tomorrow.” Ken grins showing his perfect white teeth.

Barb, nods ‘yes’ again and says. “Undecided Iowa caucus attendees have been shuffled into groups, they have ‘realigned’ and counted for delegates three times. It’s exciting. We have two women candidates and a couple people of color, um if you count Asian as a person of color. I do. Do you count Asian Americans as a person of color Ken?”

“Yes, he is our first Asian American candidate.” Ken grinned again and blinked a couple times while the network jingle played.

The networks were doing their best to ignore the Republican caucuses. Journalists were tired of the President. The never-ending battle, round and round the ‘Orange-One’ yelling at them about being “the enemy of the people!” Meanwhile, the 400 plus pages of FBI investigation files and if POTUS’s tax returns mattered or not, had bounced back and forth from the House to the Senate only to get kicked back again, until everyone in the country was starting to get an obstruction somewhere.

Worse, the incumbent wasn’t winning. Many true long-time Republicans were digging at history like a dog hunting for a lost bone. They were excavating a war-trench in time all the way back past Reagan to the first Republican president, Lincoln himself. The “straw poll” at the Republican caucus had POTUS running in second place. 52% had written in U.R.Green. The majority were ashamed, only 26% had written in the incumbent and 22% had written in the third candidate.

“U.R.Green is U.G. That’s the same person right? They are just getting her, her name wrong.” Ken double checked with their expert. “It’s a fluke, the president didn’t win the 2016 Iowa caucus either.”

Both Ken and Barb turned to stare at the large screen, showing the line up of the three Republican candidates' faces. Catching each other looking at the fuzzy face and green Cat eyes of U.G.’s official campaign photo, they turned to face the camera. Neither of them wanted to be the newscaster who first accidentally blurted out that she was a Cat running for president.

“U.G. she’s… she is ah… She’s so unusual.” Barb said.

“Yes. Whoever would have imagined that ah, ah…. moderate Republican would be so popular.” Ken shook his head vigorously ‘no’!

Barb nodded ‘yes’. “What can we say about her? Is she single? … Ha ha, ha, ha.”

“My experts are telling me that U.G., ahem, U.R. Green is single and the last president elected who was not married was Grover Cleveland in 1886.”

“Wow…” Barb joined in. “President Cleveland was married in his first term, in the white house, to a 21-year-old. The youngest 1st lady in US history!”

Both Barb and Ken giggled and they and most the mainstream News media wrote off U.G.’s clear lead in the Iowa caucus just like that.

While New Hampshire wasn’t a tie, two out of three of the Democrat candidates over the 15% required by the state to be a viable candidate on the ballot to run for president were members of Iowa’s five-way tie and one was not.

California and Texas, the heavy-weights on Super Tuesday had opposing results. The Democratic primaries in CA and TX mirrored each other, one state graphic inverted with opposite candidates in their lead numbers on a merged chart formed a perfect yin and Yang ( except it was the two top candidates versus each other with two ladies and a third male candidate to fill in the yin).

Democratic primary winners ping-ponged from state to state; the front runner rarely the same. The numbers to earn delegates for the top three in the East were leveled by the top four in the West. The heartland states and the Bible-belt each picking their own favorites. Florida was the worst; not a tie, but a seven-way-conflict knocking all out as viable candidates. In 2016 the problem was too many candidates and most didn’t like any of them. In 2020, there were also too many candidates but, people really liked a handful of them, a lot, and tended to stay loyal once they had made up their minds for their top pick. The National Democratic convention was certainly not going to be boring.

U.G. was the only candidate with the numbers leading to a clear path to a party nomination. She knew she was the scapegoat, the safety valve for the Republican party and she faced the growing masses of gerrymandered voters with an open mind. Her campaign team developed a system for collecting their concerns and sorted comments and other feedback by topic and again each subject was weighted, good versus hate, out of necessity. For better or for worse, she heard what they had to say, she listened and she sorted the data and did the math. She understood a fair portion of why they were angry, from her own experience of being kicked off the Idaho State Representative primary ballot as an independent from 2011 till 2015. 25 states were still suffering under similar voter suppression laws like the ones implemented in Idaho in 2010.

U.G. made a very boring get out and vote video, but it went viral in part because she was in the lead. Many more watched the video and shared it with friends because of the “yanny or laurel” effect. There was a scrolling reader board, subtitles for the hearing impaired, but, while everybody who could read, could read what she was saying a few people ONLY heard “meow, meow, meow”. Most people heard the gist of what she was saying, but also heard a meow, meow in-between the words here and there. Lastly and the most contentious of the three camps, a few people not only didn’t hear any meows, they couldn’t see her as a “Cat”, they only saw a very average looking middle-aged lady with curly hair and green eyes say this.

“Hi, everyone If you don’t already know, my name is Utah Robin Green, folks who know me call me U.G. Today I’d like to talk about voter suppression in the US.

Did you know, just eight years ago 50 million eligible Americans voters could not cast a ballot in the 2012 presidential election because they were not eligible to vote?

Another 12 million Americans were denied their right to vote because of minor problems with their registration. Errors like a misspelling in their name, or someone forgetting to type in their middle initial, or a Mr. instead of Mrs.

The 24th Amendment of the US Constitution states. The right of citizens of the United States to vote in any primary or other election for President or Vice President, for electors for President or Vice President, or for Senator or Representative in Congress, shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any State by reason of failure to pay any poll tax or other tax.

We all know the cost of fixing a messed up voter registration or getting an error fixed on our ID card far exceeds the hurdle of a dollar and fifty cents poll tax in 1964!

People being denied the right to vote is wrong! — Everybody eligible to vote in America, check your voter registrations right now. Make sure your ID is up to date, double-check your address. Mark the date, know the hours and location of your polling place. And if you are going to be out of town make sure your absentee ballot is set up and ready to go vote.

America let’s Vote in 2020!”

Un-Cat Episode 18. — The Untimely Impeachment.

Everywhere U.G. campaigned people swarmed to hear a talking cat running for president of the United States, speak.

There are not enough words to express the attraction power of Utah Robin Green, the Cat-Person, in a pants suit, as a live walking talking cat meme. Her security budget was already maxed to a full-time 24-hour staff while running for the House of Representatives. Her speeches in Congress had their own social media video channel with millions of views. They were not all cat lovers, but when greeting her “fans”, her paws went up. Both paws reaching towards the crowds, the peoples' arms reaching in to touch her fur outnumbered the hands in the front hopeful for a high-five. People, chanting “HUMAN, HUMAN!!” crushed each other and tangled up in so many events U.G. had to hire a medical team to follow her for everywhere to clean-up the trodden folks.

Meanwhile, the “free” world was focused on the Democratic hopefuls. The race was between the candidates who were popular by the real numbers of actual Americans by debating issues the people who care, cared about, against media time and coverage the BIG money paid to earn the votes of the Americans who didn’t actually care at all about politics but only voted because someone told them to.

When the media coverage mentioned the Republican contenders U.G. had no need of a media budget for TV adds because clips of her were everywhere. She endorsed no one. Silently in the lead on the Republican side of the aisle as an Independent/Republican she pulled her focus in on the people. She had let her donors know that the only way they could support her was to publicly make it known that their campaign contributions would go to Universal jobs training programs and industry-specific paid-trade-schools for needed vocations. The trade schools were like paid internships to facilitate with the transition from the old post-industrial to the gig economy and/or to the new human first green economy — to careers not “jobs”.

U.G. knew the best gift she had to give to the American people was to listen and sort the data into a national conversation. So, she listened. At a relaxed dinner event where she had a lot of time to talk, instead of debate, she would talk.

“Everywhere I go, I hear people’s stories. Everybody needs a fair chance to seek the American dream. Over 75% of working people are living paycheck to paycheck. The young people burdened with mountains of student debt for degrees with no jobs. They are stuck with higher education as a disadvantage surviving with the rest of the underemployed working class with two or three jobs, all their time, week-in and week-out to get-by hand-to-mouth. There are PhDs in the arts and humanities teaching during the day and waiting tables and mopping floors at night. Very few people with an aptitude for programming computer code and everybody wants their own app. Bankers with engineering degrees, while we have some engineering job-related shortages, in multiple sectors of our economy. Young people moving to the city to become doctors leaving aging people in rural areas with a doctor shortage. Healthcare costs and cost of living, housing to transportation going up-up-up seemingly with no limit in sight. Those few making a livable wage acting like those monkeys ‘we hear no evil, we see no evil’. The famous, interviewed on talk shows don’t seem to get how cruel it is to say that it’s all mind over matter. Believe in yourself, they say to the working poor, the shreds of what is left of the middle class who are struggling, just to pay bills and keep their house — It’s all in your head, go seek mental health, when they are already choosing between glasses and dental as their “extra” expense this month. Be positive the ignorant holler at them as Americans commit suicide in record numbers! Deaths of middle-class Americans dropping the life expectancy for three years in a row for the first time in 100 years! Our nation is way out of balance people! How do we get to a situation where people are able to have time to be sane enough to care for the planet?” U.G. shook her head ‘no’.

Someone in the back shouted “HUMAN!”

U.G. smiled, “Line up the problems like ducks in a row, seems like a nice neat idea, if only those ducks ever held still. Universal job training for needed vocations is the U in HUMAN. If we want to save the planet and ourselves we need to flip the underemployment paradigm. Honestly, I am afraid of communism. There is a lot to not like there. Capitalism works, in fact, it works too well. So? Why not take something that works too well and make it work for us instead of against us?”

“This is the question that I asked every big corporate donor who has approached me. I asked them to please think about how that money could help make our shared environment a better place to live in. If you make food please put that money into research to figure out more sustainable foods and farming practices. If you sell any products, furniture to prescription drugs, please put that money toward researching more environmentally sound, fair-trade products. A lot of lobbyists told me they already do that. So, we came up with the idea of new green jobs, paid trade school programs. Wow, that’s a mouth full.” U.G. chuckled and then took a sip of water from her ‘CATEGORICALLY for TRUTH’ made in the USA refillable glass and enameled steel water canteen.

“If the top 1,000 companies in America invested in paid trade schools for new green jobs, 5 to 20 programs, training an average of 100 workers in each program we could have a million new green careers added to the economy this year, regardless of if I win or lose. I haven’t gotten pledges for a million new green careers yet, but I’ve gotten a few hundred thousand pledges for training jobs, not talking just dollars here, we have…” U.G. turned to the right of the stage and hollered. “Amy! how many pledge dollars have we got so far?”

There was a muffled reply and U.G. looked at her tablet on the podium. “It says here we have gotten 327,000 thousand something pledges for new green careers — paid training programs. Please put that up on the screen behind me for folks to see what I am looking at.”

U.G.’s note-taking tablet was black and white energy-efficient passive matrix screen for text only. The screen projected behind her was a color screen, like at a movie theater or a conference. So her team zoomed in on the pledge chart on her website to project on the wall behind her.

“Okay, see this line here. This is small donors, everyday working people pledging to pay for environmental careers for other folks. I’m especially proud of all the good people who are putting their money where their heart is.

Look, 2 million 580 thousand small pledges 172 thousand people donated an average of $15 dollars each toward many green ideas. Here’s one of my personal favorites. Eco-fashion: Environmentally friendly clothing and shoes made of hemp, bamboo, unbleached organic cotton etc…etc…, Fashion made to order via 3D design software, manufactured in a locally owned fashion co-operative.” 

U.G. read off of the screen and a lot of people clapped and some people cheered and whistled. “I have put in an order myself for some fun recycle or up-cycled clothing too. It’s so exciting I can’t wait to try on my first up-cycled outfit. But, I understand it’s gonna be a while.”

There was a muffled chuckle and murmur through the crowd, and a couple of in the middle of the crowd cheered and started dancing around a bit.

“The big money is for transportation infrastructure and water filtration and crowd-sourced pollution tracking. Water and cars, or should I say EV shuttles?” U.G. grinned and shrugged. Win or lose it was very exciting to imagine all these small paid trade school programs happening all across the nation. “I look forward to seeing the documentary podcasts from all the sectors as we figure out how to save the planet. People doing the work, and showing others how to do it too as they learn. Actions speaking louder than words. Say it with me, everybody. Sort the data and do the math!”

The crowd joined in “Sort the data! And do the math!” and many people clapped and cheered.

Her critiques called her Universal job training programs “science experiments.” One of the older more outspoken mainstream media pundits who was a confidant of the incumbent complained so much about her universal green jobs programs that people started getting really interested. He drove people who never would have heard about U.R.Green, before the presidential nominating conventions to her website and videos to check out what the heck he was talking about on his TV show.

“She doesn’t even know what she is going to do with all that money? She’s never managed money, not that kind of money, big money, millions of dollars and now she’s going to have contests to see who has the best ideas? Save the bees with wildflowers? What kind of a crazy experiment is that?”

Actually, her idea-storming contests were producing tons of ideas about what to do with the money. She just couldn’t do any of them as a candidate. The work would have to wait until after the election.

As the months passed POTUS 45 was increasingly encumbered by impeachment proceedings. He expressed his hatred about a lot of things, but seeing crowds show up and flock to her, to that stupid talking cat-person instead of going to his rallies put him more on the defensive than usual. At the last debate, he would attend before the trial, the incumbent was so stressed out, he barely said a single line that made any sense and didn’t answer any of the moderator’s questions.

“She’s not human.” He blurted out mid-rant. “Are you blind! She’s an animal. Look at her ugly furry face! She’s a Cat! She’s a fat fuzzy talking pussy cat!”

The crowd booed and the moderator desperately tried to shush them. But, his pleas for order were unheard by the crows as 45 paced on stage flapping his short little arms like an angry chicken.

“Yeah, boo all you want, you losers!” Then the orange-tinged-old- man lost it, he started yammering incomprehensible noises. “Meow, meow, roof, roof! eek! Eeek!! Look Ugh Gee there’s a mouse! Zzoop! Bing! Bong! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!”

U.G. and the AIC felt the crowd shift to anger. Some people were laughing at the incumbent, but many were glowering at him. “Shut Up!… booooo!” people heckled back at POTUS 45.

U.G. tried to think of the most presidential thing to do. “Hey, everybody gathered here. May I have your attention, please.”

Someone yelled. “God bless you!” really, really loud in a low booming voice over the din of others carrying on. That even got the attention of the incumbent, who stopped making animal noises and other onomatopoeia sounds, to mutter. “Who said that?” into his microphone.

“Thank you,” U.G. said and everyone including the incumbent who was alternately hunched forward and slouching while leaning on his heels rocking back and forth swinging his arms turned and stared at her deadpan like he was a zombie.

She smiled just slightly, a sad smile of a childless old maid and looked across all the faces of the crowd. “Everyone together for America, not for me, not for him, for our children, and our children’s, children. Dream the American dream for the future.” She wanted to say ‘sort the data and do the math, but it didn’t feel right, so instead she prayed, by shouting “God bless America!” Everyone was so relieved that it appeared this out of control debate was over, they started cheering and whistling like she had said something especially brilliant, even the incumbent nodded and clapped as if some of that noise was for him. Apparently choosing to ignore the chant of “U.R.Green!, U.R.Green!!”

The Republicans in Congress finally got the message that the incumbent was not a shoo-in to win the 2020 election and the impeachment proceeding transitioned from the House to the Senate the very next day. The people had chosen their Republican nominee and it was Utah Robin Green.

Un-Cat Episode 19. — What Should Have Happened

Original Episode title 'Poetic Justice a.k.a. Level Orange Catharsis' post date May 9th, 2019

The corrupt POTUS 45 was impeached 10 days before the election. To keep him occupied after several pathetic and insulting rounds of hearings they let him avoid Congress and run his campaign. He was holding rallies right up to last minute. When his team got the news it was almost no surprise that he fueled up his jet and fled the country to seek asylum from one of the dictators he admired and mistakenly assumed were his friends. Two out of three of the dictators 45 was “in-love” with, turned their backs and wanted nothing to do with the mess that was the impeached President of the United States. None of the wealthy who owned islands wanted anything to do with the fake-billionaire impeached POTUS either, so his plane was forced to land and he was taken aboard a Chinese cargo ship.

For the next five days, he was tracked by air and sea as they traveled from port to port. The impeached American POTUS faced riots of people from all over the world rejecting his ship-of-fools. At the third major international port, amidst the biggest protest, they allowed them to refuel. Cooperation between military and private airfields kept the riots peaceful by making sure no amount of money (plus their reputation and career) was enough to pay the helicopter pilot for that job. The united international protests were successful in blocking him from crossing borders in an attempt to stay in any of the resort hotels he owned.

The night of Monday, November 1st, before the 2020 election, the protests forced the ex-POTUS and ex-1st-family to be smuggled via cargo container off the ship, the caravan fleeing to a small protected military airport and then to a train. The world was grateful to the 3rd dictator for taking him in, so they could get back to their lives.

The 2020 election happened while POTUS-on-the-run was still aboard the cargo container on the train. Everyone in the world knew where he was, and the American people were too busy voting for the new commander in chief to bother with paying attention to him.

Republican Party nominee U.R.Green prepared for election night with party packs. As usual, a ton of her goodie bags sold months in advance. The hodgepodge of any unsold items from her campaign inventory of T-shirts, water bottles, buttons, patches, enameled steel coffee mugs, ceramic coffee mugs, anything and everything printed on with her name, slogan and image were raffled off via social media and shipped in custom commemorative U.R.Green reusable shopping bags. There was also red white and blue popcorn, environmentally safe bubble blowing kits, kites, flags, and funny running while waving cat “pinwheels”.

“As they say, out with the old, in with the new, everything must go.” U.G. joked as she greeted people and staff with gift bundles of swag followed close behind her.

It had been common knowledge that U.G. who rarely expressed hate for anything, hated balloons. A lot of effort had been put into making everything she sold as environmentally friendly as possible. She said she hated balloons because escaped bright-colored gas-filled inflated plastic of all types hurt wildlife, but many whispered that the life long source of U.G.’s hatred for balloons was because she had claws.

To bide the time while everyone waited for voting results to slowly cross the US from state to state, U.G.’s party had a giant digital “card”. People signed the virtual card via any touch screen or tablet pen and added an optional social media image of their election night party to the virtual map. The social media data was sorted by voting districts, not by actual location, but it was still an impressively coded presentation designed to unite people across the nation on election night.

She also had a running ‘wish list’. This list was text entry and had been posted on Congresswoman U.G.’s web page for years, with millions of wishes sorted by subject and ranked by popularity. For election day, the live feed of wishes scrolled on a TV-like reader bar, so much new text was added it had to be sorted by bots. Campaign media staff approved wishes were posted for a minute to 30 seconds before the next series of wishes scrolled by.

Over the entire duration of the election cycle, the Democrats’ break-up troubles had continued from July 2020 through all the presidential debates all the way to November because the majority did not get their candidate as nominee. Because the three candidates who had given the people hope were ripped off of the ticket at the Democratic National Convention, everywhere the Democrat nominee went, there were riots over recounts, gerrymandering, and lost voter registrations unresolved from the primaries. This time instead of being overconfident of a win, all the political pundits and podcasters were freaking out that they were going to lose to the Republicans, again! Many formerly professionally cool people digressed to screaming in protest about how it was way worse than what happened in 2016.

Watching the competition in the aftermath of the DNC, U.G. and her telepathic AI-Critter had been sorting the data and doing the math, and they very much liked the policy ideas of the three Democratic hopefuls the majority liked over most other Republicans. So, back in August 2020, when it came time for her to choose a running mate, the first choice on U.G.’s list was the 3rd place independent candidate who had lost the DNC nomination for a second time. She held a private meeting with the socialist-leaning independent Democrat.

The independent Senator exuberantly accepted U.G.’s invitation to be her running mate. They both wanted to run more as independents than as either Democrats or Republicans. And her aggressive stance on ‘Housing as a right’ and ‘Medical care for all as right’ lined up with his long-held beliefs for both. “The point by point, structural plans for both Housing and Medical care for all is impressive! I am very much looking forward to this race!”

The other two candidates ripped-off by the DNC were also invited to a meeting to be asked for a preference for a nomination to a cabinet position of either Secretary of State or Secretary of the Treasury. In other words, 4th or 5th in-line of succession. She accepted with thanks, large chunks of their policy goals and they endorsed her as their candidate.

A couple of months before the election in August 2020 before the impeachment, when U.G. announced to the country that the very popular Independent/Socialist Senator was going to be her running mate the country was only surprised enough for the comedy news to talk about for two thirty-second jokes before they switched their attention back to the circus of a trial in Congress on CSPAN. The Republicans were also numb to being shocked by anything anymore and refused to give her up as their nominee. She was very popular, end of subject. U.G. would be an Independent/Republican with an Independent/Democrat as her running mate and no one seemed to care.

Election night 2020, the dominant corporate news talking-heads, Ken and Barb were doe-eyed as they shifted back and forth between election results and coverage of the ex-POTUS in exile.

“They were not greeted with open arms at the Palace. Only their son was welcomed. Look at that show, the little boy right there in the video, eating at the table to the right of the dictator, is the impeached president’s son. We have been told his son will continue his studies and sleep in the guest residence.” Ken said.

“Yes,” Barb said finding it difficult to pull her curiosity away from the still image of the boy pulled from the video clip. “As a mother myself, I find it…” She turns to Ken. “Isn’t it strange that his parents are not being housed in the Palace?”

“Yes. Where is he? We have been told all three members of the first family, excuse me, impeached first-family… We are told they are fine.” He gives Barb a funny look. “Does the entire first family get impeached?”

“Dunno.” Barb says with a shrug.“Meanwhile, The Republican candidate U.R. Green still has a clear lead.”

“Incredible. She is so…” They exchange looks, neither still not daring to admit out-loud on the air that she is a cat. “…weird.” Ken agreed.

“Yes. Weird, that’s it. But, hey. If these numbers are accurate, she’s our Nation’s first female Commander in Chief.” Newscaster Barb attempted to smile, but it was a grin with sad eyes.

“They are saying that the impeached President is complaining about the barracks that he and the first lady are being kept in.” Ken said and he almost chuckled.

“Oh, yeah, here’s a tweet.” Almost cheering up Barb said. “I think you can tell it’s him!”

“I don’t think he knows the Republicans won Barb.”

“No. He sure doesn’t Ken. What time is it over there?” Barb looks at the time-stamp on the tweet. “Oh. Oh my. Oh well.”

Over the next couple of months, the Impeached President and his first lady were stashed away in a dingy barrack, in some undisclosed location. Far worse off than they would have fared under house-arrest. Guards changing shifts took photos of them, and let a few tweets be sent out every now and then to verify that they were unharmed. The guards posted images of the impeached POTUS eating the unglamorous mushy food, the dingy bunks they slept on, and the barrack bathroom with a hole in the floor as a toilet they were required to use (instead of the gold toilet the con-man had owned before he became POTUS). These photos were posted regularly on social media, using both the dictator’s official government accounts and the phone with access to the @real………… accounts of the impeached POTUS.

When they let him login and tweet once or twice then took the unlocked phone away from him. Then they would tweet on his phone for a while. The regular posts were mirrored and translated for all the world to see.

Worse was the daily feed when the maid cleaned their prison cells, their guards locked them in separate cages and posted the live-feed videos of them peering out like zoo animals. When the first lady pleaded to see her son, the guards told her nothing. Let her assume the worst — as if they had lost her son, like too many refugee children taken away from their parents. When the maid was done in their rooms she would glare at them until they looked up, turn her back, and stand there for a couple of seconds before she walked away. She was wearing a special army green maid’s tunic. On the back in white paint in English were the words. I REALLY DON’T CARE. DO YOU?

Christmas and New Years 2021 happened while 45 was a “guest” in asylum. Meanwhile knowing the ex-first family were technically safe and conveniently costing the US nothing, the slow to act Congress and the lame-duck Vice President (now POTUS 46) argued over what actions to take.

Impeached POTUS got REAL actual lumps of coal in a stocking for Christmas and made his New Year’s resolution to lose weight for the first time ever.

Back in the United States after the election results were counted.

“It’s time to heal the Nation. We have a new President-elect to unite the people regardless of political party.” The vice-president-elect hollered triumphantly on the steps outside of the Capital. “It’s time to heal the Nation!” He repeated before security made a path to the car waiting to take him to the White House.

President-elect Green had easily won 411 electoral college votes, 270 are needed to win the election. Only a few “faithless” votes on the Republican side of the entrenched leadership stuck by the Vice POTUS. And that was that.

This was written May 17th, 2019 almost a year before what actually happened in January 2021. Also, out of resect, there is no COVID pandemic in this parody/fiction-prototyping how to save life on Earth. 

Un-Cat Episode 20. — FORWARD!!!

Vice POTUS elect and U.G. had been sorting the data and doing the math planning to hit the deck running and get to work on day one. She made it very clear from election night that she didn’t want a parade, no fireworks, no balloons and no more stuff made with her name and image on it. “I’m president-elect. I’ve done enough parties and celebrating for a lifetime, it’s time to get to work!”

In her acceptance speech the day after the Joint Session of Congress met in early January 2021, she said. “Dear America, as you all know by now, the electoral college has voted and I am your president-elect. A personal fact about me; my mother was a conservative Republican and my Father was a liberal, a Green party voter whenever there was a candidate he could vote for, otherwise, he’d vote for a Democrat. My parents always canceled out each other's vote and they fought constantly. In their memory, I intend to hire my administration from many political parties and because I sincerely believe what the world needs right now is more women in leadership roles I am going to have a majority of woman cabinet members. Just in case anyone wondered, my Dad would have loved that, and my Mother would have very likely thought having a mixed-party administration was a terrible idea, but let us learn to work together and prove the devision of our people wrong.

Unlike my parents, all gathered here have agreed to get along and fight fair. When we have an issue that requires standing up and yelling about, each and every member of government will be required to swear to work for the people first or be voted out by consensus of the majority. And I do mean the actual voice and opinion of the majority of the American people, not some corporate popularity poll. I am asking all American citizens to use the official government communication site and call us out whenever we do anything you disapprove of. I am asking the American people to hold each and every member of your administration accountable. Tho I have been given the authority to select people for my staff, they are not my administration, they are your government and they are here in DC to serve the people. I’m not saying we are gonna take it well, or that it is going to be a quick and easy process where one idiot can push a lie until they convince everybody else it’s true. All complaints will be fact-checked and we will publicly and officially post replies, results to that fact-checking and or apologies before we are going to give in and roll over to the corrosion of lies.” U.G. paused for a bit, took a sip of her water, brushed her mouth with the back of her paw and then continued.

“Democracy is a slow process, it takes time because it requires checks and balances. As any who know me well understand, I am not making any promises. But, I do intend to do everything in my power to make sure the people are heard and to sort the data and do the math.”

January 20, 2021 inauguration day. She did what was legally required, and affirmed her oath of office. But, instead of muttering under her breath. “So help me God” at the end she said, “With every fiber of my being, with every bit of will I can muster, with guidance sought from God by any name including science, I do!” And she meant it.

The look she gave the Chief Justice made him gasp audibly enough to be heard over her microphone. To be fair to him, he was trying not to stare into her giant green cat eyes, and as she said, “I do!” her paw flexed and her claws extended and retracted enough to prick five holes through the cover of the brand new Bible she was being sworn in on. She had asked to not be sworn in on an antique or historically special bible. She had requested the newest translation of the Bible from the original Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic.

At first, as the chief justice gasped, a murmur rippled out across everyone assembled in the mall, then spontaneously as it took them a couple of seconds for what had just happened to sink in, — A Cat-person had been sworn in as President of the United States! People started cheering and clapping until it became a deafening roar.

“America!” U.G. said, her first official word spoken as POTUS. “It is my great honor as your President. To ask each and every person to look around where you are right now and ask, what can we do for the betterment of our country. I ask and repeat the most important issue to me, climate change and the survival of life on the planet. If we want to thrive as a Nation it is time for obstructionist divisiveness to end. We must take the effort and time to get to know each other and respect the rights of our neighbors as we ourselves would like to be respected. With this goal in heart and mind, it is my honor to present to you a politically diverse White House Cabinet and staff who will introduce themselves and announce their new job.”

Then one by one they appeared in a line up at the podium to introduce themselves and state something of importance about the work they were appointed to do for the people. Intensity added to the scene by many who were there in D.C. as defeated Democrats curious to see this ‘Cat POTUS’ for the first time for themselves.

“In case any wondered, the Vise President will be last to speak because what he has to say is the most important issue today. The first three members of my staff to introduce themselves to the American people are my three White House Chiefs of Staff. Yes, there are three of them, and each will be working a rotating four days on three days off schedule, and all three will report to and know where the other two are, at all times.” She clapped the silent clap of furry paws and stepped back as three women stepped up to the podium. They were all well known political activists and two of them had run for political office.

“Hello, America it’s my honor to serve as the gatekeeper to the president, as first on duty as President Green’s chief of staff. I am an environmental activist and a socialist-leaning Democrat, many know me as a coal miner’s daughter who ran for Senate in West Virginia.”

The other two women clapped and glanced at each other, there were a lot of people lined up to introduce themselves to the American people in-front on the inauguration platform so they knew they needed to keep their introductions brief.

“Hello, America! I am a universal healthcare activist and an activist for individual liberties, as many know the Green, Independent and Libertarian parties in many states have been working together for the last four years to elect a Democrat and that didn’t happen.” She paused because nervous laughter rippled through the crowd. She grinned painfully wide, from ear to ear and shrugged. “I’m okay with that because… instead, America got President Green!”

“Hello America, I’m a businesswoman and a lifelong Republican proud to serve as Chief of staff and stand up for fair banking practices and smaller government. I’m not for raising taxes but I’m definitely against the wealthy not paying taxes by gaming the system with loopholes. We need American corporations to bring their offshore money home and pay their fair share. My mission as gatekeeper to President Green will be to stop Wall Street from getting away with gambling with Main-street, together we can stop white-collar crooks cheating the American people out of their hard-earned equity, pensions, and retirement.”

The three women joined hands and raised them together and took a bow as everyone clapped, cheered, and some whistled and called out praise. Then one by one each of the three women was joined by spouse, one boyfriend, and a couple of other family members to walk off the stage waving as they went, escorted by military in dress uniforms down Pennsylvania Avenue towards the White House.

The next up to the podium to introduce himself was the former Democratic candidate who was most popular by the youth vote but who didn’t get the nomination at the Democratic National Convention. He had chosen to serve as Secretary of the Treasury when U.G. had agreed to support his Universal Basic Income dividend of a $1,000 dollars per month for each American over the age of 18, with very few alterations to his plan to fund it with a value-added tax. The crowd stirred and were also a little confused that the three woman chiefs of staff were leaving them. “They are off to get to work. Traditionally day one is a celebration day, but President Green wants everyone to complete one major task on their agenda on day one. Lucky for me I’ve already done the math!”

The people pressed forward, all eyes formerly wandering from the podium to follow the three women, wondering if the group of military persons leaving with them was the start of a parade, turned back to the podium.

“The big corporate money thought the DNC could get rid of me. They thought wrong! Here I am America! A slight change of venue, a different shaped office, a little more square office shape than I had planned on being in today.” He paused just a tick as some people yelled an incomprehensible mix of things he could not answer to at this second, while many others laughed at his oval office joke.

“When it was announced that I was to undergo confirmation hearings for the 5th in line of succession to the President, serving as United States Secretary of the Treasury, I heard many Americans asking if the dividend of a thousand bucks per month was still on the table. The answer to your question is ‘yes’. That’s why I accepted the role to head the United States Department of Treasury, to fulfill my promise to America for human first economics.” People cheering almost drowning him out, the applause starting when he stated that, ‘The answer to your question is ‘yes’. It took a few seconds for the roar to calm down before he could start speaking again. 

“President Green and I agree, our Nation is out of balance and the best way to empower the people immediately is to have that dividend available for a four-year trial period. The banking logistics have been worked out for Americans to cash their first check and sign up for automatic deposits for every month this year, on the last week of this month, January 2021. There are detailed instructions for everybody at my new government home page, the White House, the United States Secretary of the Treasury.” The crowd was going berserk again.

“Everybody! Everybody!” He pushed the air down with his hands, like attempting to calm down an ocean wave he had waded out into, the gesture was well-intended but futile as calming the momentum and roar of the sea. “Everybody, I have to wrap up quickly because there are many more cabinet members to introduce themselves today, right now, before we get to the vice president.” He waved and started a parade; many followed him, cheering, taking selfies of themselves with him and the Capitol in the background, texting to everyone around the world that they were ‘here’! The crowd was so loud, the next three people at the podium were heard only via the recordings and the proximity of the microphones to them as they spoke, but not by the audience in the mall, the people in the crowd were going to have to stream that video later.

U.G. stood solemnly watching her administration work their way up from the wings to the podium and then go forward off to work in their offices. She was getting used to feeling time slow and ebb forward from one milestone moment to the next, the AI-Critter floating her consciousness above the people, the cyclone of emotions spinning around them like clouds made of stars, and they were in the eye of the storm. She thought about all the people she had met along the over a decade long path through Congress that had led her to the White House. She thought about her friends at home. Dean, guarding her house, not just as an armed guard who lived on her property; but guarding the proprietary details of everything Lee had built there. In her solitary life, before that Dog-person had landed on Earth she never imagined getting into politics, much less ever becoming the President of the United States of America. There was no holding down the hackles of her fur now, she was standing on the tips of her hind-paws as tall and as big as she could. In-this-moment there was no fighting against the exhilarating current of now. She was here.

Finally, the last speaker, the Vice President, stepped up and put his hand on her shoulder briefly with a slight nod of his round white-haired head before he turned to face the people, gripped the podium and everyone quieted down as if a gavel of silence had been struck.

“America!” He hollered and with only the slightest pause, he continued. “All of us have signed this executive order. President Green is at the top of the list, to sign this order when she gets to the oval office today, but we have already over five-hundred and fifty cosigners standing together with us today. Secretary of Health and Human Services, members of Congress, governors, mayors, and state insurance commissioners, five-hundred and fifty-seven cosigners to be exact!” He was a man who knew how government worked and he had no intention of the President standing alone on this executive order.

“Because I have fought for this for so many years. President Green has honored me with this privilege!” He shouted.

The office of president of the United States, via the entire administration with the support of 47 out of 50 state governments is declaring a state of emergency for all uninsured Americans effective immediately!” He pumped his fist and the wind gently tousled his hair, as if his fluffy white hair was an extension of his will, and it too would never be kept down.

“This is not a made-up emergency, this is an actual emergency, people are dying right now! Thousands of Americans have died in previous years before this day because they lacked access to health care. Because they were turned away by doctors and nurses working in our broken healthcare system. Today January 20th, 2021. All uninsured Americans and refugees in our care are covered under an emergency Medicare plan for all!

A draft of this provisional emergency healthcare plan has been submitted to the administrative personnel of every hospital and healthcare facility in the country and a full copy of the coverage benefits is posted at White House dot gov so the people who need insurance can start processing as patients and prevent deaths today!”

With a grin on his face, he triumphantly started marching down Pennsylvania Avenue, following President Utah Green., both waving happily to the people as they walked, surrounded by the military escort in dress uniforms who are traditionally at every inauguration. So many were flummoxed by what had just happened, many had tears streaming down their faces and hands pressed together as if giving thanks for an answered prayer, so many people were overwhelmed in the mix of emotion, security didn’t even have to buffer the crowd.

Un-Cat Episode 21. -- Part 4 of Not What Happened with The White House Lawn.

The minute the previous administration vacated the White House an impressive private army of carefully screened grounds crew, gardeners, botanists, and naturalists selected from nationally renowned horticulture, native plant organizations, and ecological gardening groups moved in and began cutting up the sod of all the lawns. The team worked quickly and efficiently, moving the grass and trucking it away to install in planned out chunks on new green roofs with grey-water systems on carefully prepared root-tops on government buildings around D.C. where it would grow un-cut for her term as POTUS 47.

U.G. knew this was extra work, but she wanted to not kill the grass, the grass itself is not the enemy, pesticides, chemical fertilizers, lawnmowers and leaf blowers that cause both carbon emission pollution and noise pollution are what needs to change to save the health of the soil and water. She also asked the gardeners to keep most of the existing fauna, hedges, and trees to be incorporated into the planning of the native plants, never mowed, wild yard.

Immediately preceding the inauguration many news stories shifted focus to the crowds gathering around the fence peeking in between the bars to witness the entire White House lawn turn to brown dirt. As soon as they had cleared off the grass, gardeners with surveyor’s equipment began measuring and marking the area around the White House grounds with posts and colored string. They also removed the old in-ground sprinkler system to be replaced with a drip irrigation grey-water system for the most thirsty plants in the yard. Then dump trucks of soil, sand, mulch, sawdust, and bark chips were raked in layers to form garden beds, walking paths, and a couple of duck ponds. They didn’t finish with all the dirt moving before sunset on the first day, but they made substantial progress.

President Green’s transition team had asked months in advance for the gardeners to prepare an announcement for the evening news. The biologists and nature organizations each had a line or two to read in the PSA (public service announcement). And U.G. spoke first.

“Dear America,

I am a believer of actions speaking louder than words. Today we are installing an all American native plant and wildflower walking garden to replace the old European style mowed White House lawn. This is important because the White House lawn is simultaneously symbolic and actual, one small plot of plants to help save the bees, the native pollinators and all the small creatures at the base of our ecosystem.

The lawn here is an example of Native plant gardening in the public eye to serve as a symbol for a movement every American who has any space to grow plants in, can participate in, to help preserve the soil, water and small creature around their homes and businesses.

100% of the work here on our lawn and all cost for plants and labor is being done with grants from our Nation’s’ leading gardening, plant nurseries, nature conservation groups, and biology organizations. A plan had been drawn out and each area of plants will be marked along the walking paths with little placards.

A time-lapse video of the White House Lawn transformation will be posted after the four-year project is complete. All the work will be done with people power as much as is physically possible and realistic. Wheelbarrows, wagons, shovels, rakes, hand mowing, and hand trimming tools. Let’s make the shovel and the rake be our new exercise instead of treadmills and gym equipment.

As we add plants we will also be adding hatches of butterflies, and other carefully selected insects, and tadpoles and salamanders to the ponds, as well as using ladybugs and other natural plant symbioses instead of any pesticides or chemical fertilizers. Check out our instructional videos, we’ll show you how to make a native plant yard in your area too.

The soil has been prepared and well-composted to mulch. President Green doesn’t want the area around the White House to smell like animal manure or fish fertilizer.

Everything we do, all the biology and science for all the plants and critters we study here will be posted at White House slash lawn. Seeds from seed banks and wildflowers will be available to purchase for your own yards, and window planter boxes, and green roofs, not for profit, but to save the bees and the base of the natural food chain all across America.

We will also share how to properly collect seeds and plants from land before construction projects and other sites many might not think to gather plants from to grow native plant yards appropriate for each climate region as well as links to participating nature organizations and nurseries in every state. Let’s work together to save the bees and the small creatures in the soil all across the country and unlike many things we can do to have a fighting chance against climate change we can do this nearly for free, and some people will even save money they would have spent on their lawns by not having to mow, feed or water their old grass lawns. There is an estimated 52 million square acres of mowed grass lawn in the US. Just imagine how many square miles of ground we can give back to nature if everyone participated with even half of the area of their current mowed lawns given back to nature.”

The video was cut together from gardens and nurseries all over the US. With the beginning and ending clips featuring U.G. in her own greenhouse porch and yard of wildflowers, she and Lee had planted and maintained around her house.

Meanwhile while the public and mainstream news was freaking-out about the dirt moving around outside, inside the White House President Green was focused on the execution of a several-month-long information gathering project about how to be the best Commander in Chief she could be for the United States military. She had been listening and gathering information, sorting the data and doing the math for her entire political career. She had been perfecting a system that allowed people to communicate data and tell their story in a way that felt was most comfortable to them.

To explain, it is a statistically based fact that more than 85% of all surveys are completed by less than 12% of the population. The percentage of people who answer surveys gets smaller with the number of questions in a survey and the rate the questions repeat and overlap. I.e. repeating the same question in multiple ways. Predominantly those who are OCD, (obsessive compulsive disorder) are the only type of personality to feel obligated to make it to the end of lengthy surveys. Most people only answer a few questions, get bored or angry and click boxes as fast as they can to get the screen to close or don’t fill out surveys at all.

U.G. and the telepathic AI-Critter had figured out years ago that the best way to get information, is to let people choose how to bring what they need to say, to you.

Some people are verbal communicators. They are often “phone-people” and choose to call and talk if they are given the option. Others need to process by writing everything down and communicate best via written letters. A third group, the worst of whom are now trolls and used to be the mob with pitchforks before the invention of the internet. This group, innocent intentions or not, they prefer to instant message, comment and chat into the ether of social media. The best social media agitators are not anonymous protesters, they are the revolution who make history. But, it takes all three types, the speech makers, the writers, and the activists to make society whole and healthy.

The AI-critter likes to joke that these three groups are “vent types”, as in people choose how to vent, and depending on if they need to remain anonymous to survive or not, many will do a combination of these three approaches to communicate their story.

The US military makes up a small highly trained, specialized sector of the American population. U.G. wanted feedback from at least 10%, but preferably 15% to make sure to get at least 3% of data past the compulsively obligated survey and paperwork filers. She made the effort to personally explain to the generals and secret service that she had big plans for the military and she needed to hear from them first. To be the best leader she could be, she needed the military themselves to personally weigh in on anything they felt important for the betterment of the nation as specifically correlated with them, before she started giving orders.

She explained to the generals and the heads of the secret service, both FBI and CIA and including ICE and the Coast Guard, that she was requesting feedback from every level of military personnel. She explained via both written memo and video that she was asking them to answer any part of one or more of five topic questions that interested them, in any way they liked: an official military email, a voice mail, a video, a security protected private chat forum, and if need be, some would be meeting with her to deliver their messages in person in the manner they personally felt most comfortable with and all data would be viewed, read, listened to and sorted in the situation room, by a team who would do nothing else until the “survey” data was sorted.

President Green’s five questions for the military were:

1. Domestic military experience and skills; what is the most important work that we should do for the Nation?

2. The American military presence abroad; what is the most important work that should be done to strengthen America’s relationship with other countries around the world?

3. The United States Veterans Affairs; what should be done to make it stronger for life after military service is completed.

4. Upgrades of equipment, systems, and tools; what works, what doesn’t, suggestions and thoughts for future designs.

5. Last but not least, the biggest area of improvement for the US military, in your opinion.

President Green sent out the memo to all branches the minute she was allowed to do so, before they started tearing up the lawn outside the White House. The feedback was slow at first, they didn’t know her yet, didn’t know how honest they could be or if they trusted her.

But, as U.G. started to meet those selected to deliver their messages in person, shook their hands, thanked them for their service, and they faced her, the reality of her furry face and paws with claws bigger than their fingernails. Then they returned and reported back to their fellow soldiers and the flood gates opened. If President Green was anything, she was for real.

For months, several hours a day, she would check in on the review of the data being collected after her regularly scheduled security briefings. Patterns began to form in the data and some very useful suggestions were prioritized. She had gathered some intel from a surprising 27% percent of all the US military personnel. Thousands were small comment sized letters, but she had learned a lot.

President Green was on her way out for a stroll on the garden paths to see how the wild yard was doing when a man who reminded her of Dean rushed from a tour group.

The AIC reached out towards him to protect her at the same time as security blocked the man from getting too close.

“I know someone you want to know.” He hollered. “I know someone!”

And for a flicker, the telepathic AI-Critter saw something that caught her attention. A large human-sized black cat with yellow eyes.

“Let him approach, don’t worry, he won’t hurt me.”

“Madame President? Are you sure?” Asked the security guard closest in proximity to her.

“We have his ID, Madame President this soldier is AWOL, missing in action.” One of her security who held the man reported to the guard closest to her.

The man was thin, grey-haired in a well worn in loose-fitting grey suit and a light khaki dress shirt, his dress uniform shirt, worn under his civilian jacket. U.G. moved toward him and no one stopped her. She held out her paw. He saluted then shook her “hand” very awkwardly. But, more out of frustration about being held back, there was no fear in his dull gaze.

“You were in the same unit with my home security Dean, tho’ you know that is not his real name,” U.G. said with a smile.

“No. I mean yes Mrs. President Green. Terrible name. Dean? He’s alive?”

“He’s alive and well.”

“After my tour, I worked with protective custody, a detail for translators. I have information about someone you should meet Mrs. President.”

U.G. could see the Cat clearly in her mind’s eye via the telepathic AI-Critter now. Unlike Dean, whose mind the AIC had a difficult time reading because it was loud and warbled with irregular thought patterns; this man’s mind was quiet and full of almost still visual images like reading an open picture book.

“Here. I brought a letter. I thought you should know.” He hastily tried to hand her a letter, but the guard removed it from his jacket pocket for him. “We should scan this. And him. Inside.” The guard attempted to caution.

“It’s okay, the letter is not sealed and it has been handled and read many times. I can see that from here.” U.G. took the letter. “Thank you, soldier.” Her gaze took in both of their facial expressions before she unfolded the letter glanced at it just long enough for the AI-Critter to read it and folded it back up and put it in her jacket pocket.

“Corporal Davis, I..” He stopped speaking because they were preparing to remove him from the walkway in front of the White House.

“Let him go. Do not detain him. It is not a good idea to lock some people up. Let him go unhindered, please.”

They did as she asked. U.G. saw the Cat-person speaking in the man’s memory as Davis walked away. The Cat was in their protective custody on US soil, and she was going to find him. She had completely given up hope that she would ever see another Cat-person like her in her lifetime. “That was thrilling.” She purred under her breath.

“Pardon Madame President?” Her security guard asked. “Did you say something?”

“No. Nothing of importance, let’s go take a walk and see how the wild-yard is coming along.”

“Well, the dirt is getting more interesting, they keep planting more and more things. I’m surprised there is any room left.”

“Did you know gardening is the most popular hobby in the world?” U.G. asked him.

“No I did not, but it doesn’t surprise me.” His focus shifted back to his job of keeping her safe, as one of her Chief of Staff and the Secretary of Energy walked up to them walking along the same wild garden path heading the opposite direction. She had asked for them to meet her in the yard and walk around together after lunch. They had a lot to discuss and the topic had very little to do with gardening.

U.G. knew she would never understand what “humans,” think as they are using up the Earth’s energy and resources as if the small planet was infinite. When a species is gone, it is gone. She knew this all too well, in a very personal way, because she was almost the last Cat-person on Earth. Two old predators at the top of the food chain, too old to have kittens, at least there was another dimension for the Cat-people. She worried about the human’s underestimating what they require to survive in their world. Even tho human people are omnivores they still have better odds to thrive in a healthy ecosystem. President Green looked out at the clumps of newly planted ground, a dash of tiny sprouts of bright neon green in the rich dark soil surrounding the larger sprouts of plants that grew best from bulbs and rhizomes. She took a deep breath and smelled the fresh living earth and thought of Lee and how much he loved to dig. Plants in dirt, the foundation and building blocks for life in every climate region on planet Earth, starts with healthy small creatures in the soil and water. And the White House lawn was as good a place for respecting the base of the food chain as any plot of land on Earth.

Un-Cat Episode 22. Freedom and Integrity in Journalism.

President Green, inaugurated on Monday, January 20th, 2021, decided to have her first official press briefing in the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room three days later on Thursday.

U.G. meant it when she said she loved comedians, she selected an odd choice for her Press Secretary. She selected a popular female comedian, talk-show-host.

“Hello America, yes it’s me, I made fun of the former press secretary, and you know how they say ‘be careful what you wish for’ or ‘you reap what you sow’, I don’t know, anyway, here I am! I am here to serve as your press secretary for as long as you will have me. That’s right, if you do not like the work I am doing, let us know and the people have the power to keep me here as your press secretary or vote via petition to replace me. I am not kidding, President Green has a list of TV personalities and comedians lined up just in case you fire me. Okay, on to business.

Welcome journalists, correspondents and members of the White House Press Corps. This first White House briefing today is going to be a little different as is President Green’s style. All have been given a memo about what to expect, it’s a public memo posted on White House dot gov slash White House Press Corps. Anybody interested may read it and follow along, sorta like the bulletin with the list of songs they hand out before church service or a program for a theater performance.” The comedy host smile-grimaced and took a sip from her official White House Press Secretary Mug. Muffled laughter came from the packed room. “Yes, look at that, I have my own official mug with a seal and my name on it, it came with the job, so even if you fire me after today, I can keep my mug as a souvenir.” The grimace half of her smile had faded, replaced by a confident twinkle in her eyes and a genuine smile.

“President Green’s goal for the press is to once again serve as the eyes and ears for the American people, no more enemy of the people or fake-news and!” She held up her index finger pointing up at the sky as she said. “we will sincerely endeavor not to lie."

If you would, please look at the first line item on your itinerary. All news will be credited and fact-checked. Seems like a no-brainer, a standard of journalistic code of ethics, but um, we have had a pretty rough couple of years. When a member of the press core asks a question please state your name and the news organization you are with. All questions will be posted at White House dot gov slash White House press corps, and then when the questions are answered, those answers will be posted too. Right under the question, and the answer will be credited. So the American people always know who said what.

Also, as relates to National Security if an issue is private or important to keep confidential for national security reasons, I will say ‘thank you, the question will go under review with the secret service, and they will respond at an appropriate time’. Right now, thankfully President Green’s taxes have been released…” There was an audible chuckle heard in the room, she didn’t pause for long, she just kept on talking right over the stirring of the press pool in the room as U.G. stepped up to the podium behind her. “… International trade deals have been set back in time five years, to the state they were in, in 2016 as a good launch platform for the new administration. Without further ado, it is my great honor to introduce the President of the United States, President Utah Robin Green.”

U.G. smiled and the press secretary grinned back and stepped aside clapping, she knew it wasn’t a show, it was a press briefing, but old habits are hard to break.

“Hello America, hello press corp,

Thank you for submitting questions in advance via text and email. There were a lot of good ones. I don’t have time to speak about them all here today, but I have sorted the most popular questions and replied in depth online. Let’s start with an easy fun question asked by quite a few people. How could I do that to the lawn? Or Why are we replacing almost the entire White House lawn with native plants?

As many know, the most important issue for me personally is climate change. It has been mentioned many times that people think planting one small plot of native plants and wildflowers is not going to save all the bees. I must admit I find this amusing on a couple levels. One, I am only going to save the insects that will call the new wild yard home, saving all the bees and native pollinators in America is up to all Americans. Second, some of the grasses and plants in the wild yard are planted there because they represent important battlefronts for combating climate change.

I sincerely believe there is no easy fix to climate change, no safe and cost-effective invention waiting in some inventors workshop to control the weather or block harmful UV rays like a science fiction planetary shield that acts like global sunglasses. We have to systematically implement broad changes that will have a gradual effect over time. In much the same way that we caused climate change by our use of combustible and nonrenewable fuels over time.

Plants, especially plants strategically planted around water have the greatest carbon trapping effect, tho smaller in scale, plants in and around water have a larger carbon trapping capability per area than even planting trees. Now, do I have time to go into preventing fertilizer and pesticide runoff in our water and the complications that result from these chemicals or do we move to the next question?” President Green glanced to the side of the podium.

The Press Secretary was mouthing the words “I don’t know?”

Outside the door the Chief of Staff on duty was shaking her head “No.” and pointed at a freckle that was an imaginary watch, meaning ‘no-time’.

“No-time. I knew that. The plan for stopping chemical fertilizer pollution in our water is online if any are interested please go check it out. I’ll repeat for the viewing public in case they are joining us right now.

In a sincere effort to fact-check, be consistent and have a record, all questions including a detailed answer to the questions about the yard will be posted online at white house dot gov slash white house press corps.

Also, let's not get negative, communication is important, but I believe it’s more important for me to listen, and then report back plans of action and answers to questions to the people in a consistent legitimate manner while serving as your President. As you know I have maintained a social media presence over the years first as a civilian with my own personal account and later as a congresswoman. All my accounts will be updated with a link and guess where the link goes?” President Green smiled and shrugged and waved indicating that she was seeking a response from them and several of the press core answered back, shouting.

“White house dot gov slash white house press corps.” and one press guy standing on the side said loudly. “Yes. Mrs. President, Um so no more text chats ranting in all caps at all hours of the night and day?”

U.G. didn’t miss a beat, she heard him. “Please state your name and the news organization you are with.” President Green said softly leaning in, he met her gaze and hid behind his tablet computer.

A few people chuckled. Someone in the front stated his name and TV news station in rapid fire to follow the protocol she was requesting, but not waste time, then said. “He’s not going to make you repeat yourself Madame President.”

“Thanks. Yes, all news and events at the white house will be filtered on the news tab, there. If you don’t find what you are looking for under news, please do a search, the topic you are looking for may be on the page of a specific member of our administration. I understand the United States Secretary of the Treasury page has never been more popular, and yes we have tasked a small army to help answer questions there in a timely manner.”

U.G. then took a question from a hand raised in the front row. “Hi I’m so and so from NPR,” She said as quickly as the TV reporter who spoke before her. “We see that some very big questions of national importance from the wish list have been sorted on White House gov already in just three days. Do you plan to make announcements about how you are going to address the top concerns in the nation, soon? Can we assume this is the reason the wish list is posted?”

“A very good question, thank you, Terry. Yes, the top concerns to the nation are access to good health care at a fair price, climate change, housing affordability, and good jobs for good wages. We have a plan and have already started, let’s call it pre-production. As soon as we have programs to start rolling out the next generation of internet to heal the digital divide, we will let everybody affected know. I’ve said it many times, I personally don’t like to answer with promises. I like to speak with actions.”

There was a murmur, she paused to let them settle down. “The White House lawn is a perfect example. The rollout in-progress for the first one thousand dollar dividend at the end of this month is another example. The provisional emergency medicare for-all-plan the Vise President announced at our inauguration is a third. I am currently sorting the data for some potentially revolutionary plans, but it’s too early to discuss those in detail yet. But, I can’t wait to get to work. The list is prominently posted, and the answers will be action items posted as soon as physically possible. Announcements will be made when we are ready to get to work.”

President Green prepared to leave the area behind the podium. There was a little shuffle of the press pool, some checking their notes, or typing on devices to submit new questions, a few hoping to ask a question now, but, she had made it clear she wasn’t taking any questions unless they were submitted via text prior to the briefing. Before she turned to go she said. “Thank you. I look forward to steady improvements in journalist ethics and public fact-checking of the news for the American people. ”

President Green took the ethics problem with the mainstream news media in the United States very seriously. Tho, it was only number 22 when she originally made her list, it was something she could do now, very effectively as POTUS.

22. Truth in journalism verified, writing credits, and fact-checking required. News mistakes and errors publicly redacted using the top of the journalists’ time-slot or publishing space when proven false by peer and public review. If any journalist makes a lot of errors, in the next issue or news broadcast they will not have any time left to make further false statements. Additionally, all news needs to be screened to uphold the right of publicity, right of privacy, and to prevent copycat crimes.

There have been standards of journalistic ethics before the news was broadcast via radio. To balance the 1st amendment right of ‘freedom of speech’ with ‘liberty and justice for all’, requires a cannon of ethics to be strictly followed by any serious journalist. For as long as there has been news, each individual reporter needs to maintain integrity for their news organization by following the rules. For example, newspaper reporters have known about the problem of copycat crimes since the 1960s and fake-news a.k.a., tabloid news containing little or no basis, in fact, has been around in the US since the very first newspapers started using catchy headlines to sell papers in the 1800s.

Therefore if you are a news reporter and you broadcast details of a victim in violation of victims' rights, and another victim follows after the report, then that journalist is implicating themselves and the news organization they work for in future crimes. If one were to argue that the same murderer is committing these crimes then the news is not only violating the rights of victims and their families they are promoting the “work” of a serial killer. If the serial murderer is caught and on trial, then the news gives them fame by broadcasting their name, image and details of the crimes committed, the news is again partially at fault for any future copycat crimes.

The most heinous example is the national news broadcasting crimes committed by minors seeking attention and fame. The result is waves of mass school shootings spreading across the nation in reverberating echoes, for decades. The first school shooting was not Columbine. There were several school shootings prior but they were only broadcast on local news. There was no repeat pattern of the original school shootings, in part because they were kept as isolated local news incidents.

President Green didn’t wish to enforce any sort of martial law over journalism, instead, she outlined her expectations for the news and asked the people and other news organizations to hold each other accountable via peer review.

Unlike fact-checking, the less obvious threat to the news-viewing public is widespread repetitive talking-point brainwashing by the mainstream media via the near-constant onslaught of negative news spreading fear and hate. While hate crimes and discrimination are important to bring to the surface, in the information age they are also too prevalent for the national news to cover fairly. Some news is better left covered by local news, the smaller audience scope allows the affected population to deal appropriately and directly with the offending individuals. An important part of freedom of the press is for people to be heard, for local stories to not get buried under tabloid news content that is repeated on every channel across the nation.

The opposite side of the same 24-hour news cycle coin. To have good news to broadcast, you can’t just put a pretty face in a chair and tell them to smile and chat about nice things that happen to be the latest meme. To have news that uplifts the spirit of the nation, we need good things happening for the news to report everywhere, not just nationally syndicated pick-me-up shows.

Why? Because the best stories often are local stories, local heroes and everyday people choosing to do something worthwhile. And just like the hate and fear-based news, in the information age, there are too many good news stories to cover fairly, and worse many of the local heroes don’t want national attention. Becoming a meme good or bad is a potentially life-altering thing to happen to anyone.

Sadly, 2018 saw the biggest drop in local newspaper employment in the history of journalism in the US. Over 25% of newspaper employees lost their jobs in 2017–2019. A big part of this is due to news going digital. There is no going back in time to paper news. There is only going forward to heal the digital divide.

The US military built the first internet. Communication and a chance for everyone’s voice to be heard is key to healing the nation. The first item on a national three-part plan that President Green had in pre-production was for a contract for the US military to build the next generation of high-speed internet to heal the digital divide.

President Green believed that local news as a wide net of freedom of speech serving every community is vital for the health of the nation as a whole. Therefore the first organizations she planned to connect to the next generation of internet was local newspapers, local news radio, and local TV stations. As President Green said in her 1st press briefing, it was too early to discuss the details, but as soon as they had a plan ready to roll out, and get to work to build the next phase of the internet, to heal the digital divide, everyone would know.

Meanwhile, the mainstream TV channels were reporting to the nation that all the @ POTUS social media sites were showing a link back to the White House gov slash White House Press core.

Un-Cat Episode 23. Heal the Digital Divide to Understand the Potential of Our Collective Intelligence