What do I want to focus on, listen to, and read?

Cartoon by me, Uva Be. October 26th, 2024

I search for good in the world. This led me to books about possible Utopias. Stories about when and how the quality of life for people had been improved. How did they do it? What did they do? I found a book The Utopians: Six Attempts to Build the Perfect Society by Anna Neima. 

4 of the 6 utopias were after World War I, one was as WWII was picking up and the last Utopia in the US was during the end of world WWII,... all the utopias disbursed. They made changes in people’s lives, but, the biblical curse of toil until the end of our days in the weeds of the wilderness remains.

I realized around the time I turned 50 that I had read so many more books by authors that were male, that if I only read books written by women, I probably would never reach a 50/50 ratio in the total books I have read during my remaining life span. For my own personal perspective, I decided to try to only read books written by women. But, even with a list in hand, of authors suggested by Ursal K. Le Guin I found it challenging to find what I wanted to read. This was not a new experience, it is true of any specific subject, the best books are checked out for a reason. (again for personal mental reasons, not for anyone else). I decided, if I couldn’t find a book on a topic I was researching, then I could justify reading a book by a man, if I had previously read another book, on any topic, written by a woman. 

I’m writing this paragraph to answer my own question. What do I want to read? People will talk about the tone of the writing being differentiable when it is written by a woman, but I find, like woman drivers, all driving skills depend more on the personality and mental state of the driver and who is in the car with them. Authors write whatever fits their personality and on the knowledge base the subject of their writing is established in. Just like handwriting, it is not dependent on gender at all. The stereotypical choices and expectations of what to write about is up to the author. The life experiences that only women can share, that is what I wanted to add to my personal mental reading life. 

Seems like a simple enough question, like knowing yourself. Do you know yourself? Do you know what you really care about, want, need, beyond daily survival?

Me? I wish I was an author escaping into a fictional world. I’m happy when I am able to make art. … Butt with two ’t’s, so far, I’ve not been able to earn my survival with either. “Keep writing, keep making art.” Seems simple enough. Except artists and writers are filters of the time they live in. We humans are social creatures, we are all participants of our culture, the one we were are exposed to is technically “ours” like it or not. 

It’s a challenge to live as an isolated hermit, survive and stay sane. Eh,... same for everyone social butterfly or recluse. Anyone who has lived knows that life is many things, but it is not “fair” or equal, even normal as far as I can tell seems to be a myth. And just when we might figure something out, understand something, other people meddle with our day. How many lives go as planned I wonder? If you continue reading, I wonder how many years into the future will people wonder why we made the choices we made, or the things we ignored in this decade. 

What I want to ignore and forget. In our shared collective consciousness, the world who has watched TV, how many millions have seen “that man” dancing* in their nightmares? (If you can call that slow paced shuffle with clenched fits a dance).

The screens blare and repeat the same name, the same face imprinted on our face recognition, (willingly or not, according to neurology and the cognitive sciences we humans do have entire areas of our minds dedicated to face and voice recognition and if you can read, if you see a word, like a name, then you have read it), over and over again, we see that face, hear that voice, read that name. 

For how long has this been going on? I know it has been sustained above a normal level of exposure for the people of a healthy independent nation who consider themselves free. For many people the severity of the repetition is effectively brainwashing. 

For some who watched the TV show “he” was the lead of for the first 14 seasons. The show aired on multiple channels from 2004 till 2017. And never having seen this TV show myself, I don’t know if there were reruns, I’ve only seen still images, been exposed to clips of video via other shows, mostly comedy news, and skimmed search results to write his paragraph. 

What is my point? He is just a human like the rest of us. This news media politics brainwashing is a symptom of a much larger, long-term problem. Am I writing this for myself so that I may free my own mind, to be able to focus on my personal, daily existence. Yes, of course. “They” say, move on, get over it. I am working on forgiving and then forgetting, but I’m not quite there yet. Forgive who, for what? Only the brainwashed ask that question. If you asked yourself that question only you can figure it out, for yourself, and only for yourself. No one can undo brainwashing from outside your mind. The rebuttal in my mind says, everyone is already saying the same things to themselves and to each other. Retrospect what use is it? Does mob mentality ever learn from history? Her story waits silenced again. We all just have to survive the next four years.

So I ask the reader the same question I first asked myself. What do you want to focus on, listen to, and read?