Congress formally apologizes from the bottom of their hearts, for not only the lowest approval rating in US history 10% in Nov. 2013, but the longest sustained duration of years with an approval rating below 33% from the 113th to the current 115th congress.
Sorry, also for a record number of blocked nominees coupled with more often than not mind-numbingly stupid indecision derailing needed legislation. As well as willful inaction in completing budgets, including a complete shutdown that cost taxpayers billions.
There are too many examples of recent government fails to list here, so to stay positive, a secret joint committee has compiled a list of reparations and an action list.
Begin hearings to fill vacant supreme court justice seat, ...yesterday.
No nonsense gun legislation, stat!
Create jobs by rebuilding America’s crumbling infrastructure by up-cycling it with modern trains and transportation systems.
Create passive energy and renewable energy jobs to meet the global challenges caused by climate change.
Invest in education, not war or corporate oil tax loopholes.
Revenue generation via expanding Park Ranger jobs, working in cooperation with state and local parks to build a network of bike and hiking path across the nation, connecting National Parks.
Election reform, and modernization of US voting system via a new USPS digital branch that would also to replace antiquated paper junk mail.
Also with contemporary corporate accounting software and computer systems out-pacing antiquated government payroll and accounting, especially as relates to the military and veteran affairs. With unemployment of veterans still too high. The best private accounting firms will compete to win the job of training a small army of unemployed to update the entire military payroll and VA records systems.
Same goes for our fragmented and inefficient medical records. Where administration costs have tripled.
Lastly as a token of goodwill as well as scape goat, we here by begin the proceedings to impeach a few of our most obstinate politicians starting with Mitch McConnell for his role in obstruction of government and Ted Cruz for his role in the government shutdown.
If we all work hard to fulfill our obligations to serve the American people, this could be the most exciting time to be in politics since the US constitution was ratified.
Transcript from an over ambitious and still hopeful congressional intern, who wishes to remain anonymous.
"USA! USA!“ whispered the intern, with a couple fist bumps before hurrying away from our recorder.